4. Nodame Cantabile

One day in college, I decided I was going to study music. Composition, to be exact. I had been deeply involved in music since grade school and had been writing music since junior high, so it’s not like it was a snap decision. Prior to even starting college, I had considered studying music, but chose to pursue a different path in life. Fate is a funny thing, however; I still ended up enrolling at the very university I had planned on attending had I chosen to study music. It was home to one of the more highly respected music schools in the nation, too, so I took advantage of the opportunity and auditioned to join some of the performing ensembles. I wasn’t studying music formally, but there I was, performing alongside some incredibly talented people under the tutelage of some of the best teachers in the business.

Eventually, I realized I was passing much of my free time lounging around the College of Music. I was spending more time in rehearsals than in class. My circle of friends consisted entirely of music students. And, of course, I was still writing music when I had the time. In search of direction and purpose in life, I decided that I belonged in music.

And then I changed my mind.

I still don’t know why I changed my mind. Perhaps I chickened out. Perhaps common sense got the best of me. Perhaps I fell for the old, “don’t make a career out of a hobby,” line. Or perhaps I just got lazy.

It was probably a combination of all of these things. It was a difficult period, either way, and I recall in vivid detail all the poor decisions I made back then, some of which continued to haunt me for years. Perhaps passing up the opportunity to study something I truly loved was one of those poor decisions. It wasn’t too long before I stopped writing music all together. I stopped performing. I started spending my free time in my dorm room. I practically gave up on music.

My friends didn’t give up on me, though.

Eventually, I got my act together, found something I actually wanted to go to class for, and got on with life. My friends continued studying music, of course. Some of them work in the industry today and some don’t. They still encourage me at every opportunity to start writing again, and I relent; “too busy with work and life,” I say. I figure I’ll give in eventually. I haven’t lost the desire.

Nodame Cantabile was a wonderful show, you know. But damn if it didn’t remind me of how much of an idiot I am.